Conversations with Another

Posted on April 24, 2012

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I made a good decision the other day to waste less time on the internet, its sort of working. I went on a hard bike ride up a steep hill and while i was pedaling hard i felt everything become a little bit clearer. Its a good feeling. I had it a few times growing up – I had an epiphany feeling and suddenly i felt more intelligent

Good, we have to feel alive, the internet consumes us, we use no brains, just stare at the screen. It s good to be connected to yourself. Otherwise it’s like being dead. Unfortunately no one tells you that. We are taught to learn so much bullshit but no one says life is short just be yourself and feel, we are taught to be blind and distracted

Do you feel connected to yourself?

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I can connect to some “higher self” and be more calm, wise and distanced from my own troubles. Or when I can fully feel the nature, like a happy dog in the grass.

Actually I don’t feel good when i feel distance to my troubles, but when I feel how they are part of me, and they are not really big troubles then i feel strong, because I can take on anything. I feel like a more complete person. I guess its also when you don’t feel divided against yourself. If you’re at peace inside everything works better

So many people are so messed up they don’t even believe its possible

it’s difficult when you meet many different kinds of people who all seem really cool and you respect a lot, but who have very different kinds of lives. If I meet someone i respect, part of me wants to be more like them. But you can’t be like people who are completely different from each other. The trick is to find yourself, to find out which things are really YOU, and which are the things that belong to other people. It’s a classic identity crisis. But its almost fun, in a perverse sort of way. It’s like surfing a wave of ideas, being in a storm, pushed by the wind in every direction.

It gets much more fun if you look at it this way! It is a bit like a game – it’s good when you play it well. You take the challenge, don’t just go with the flow. After all we are unique. If we don’t do what we love and we don’t strive to be ourselves then we turn into unhappy robots.
It’ s so easy to lose this clearness of mind and spirit. So many times i rediscovered that but then lost myself again.

Its not easy, I think you have to find the balance. Everyone is unique, but everyone has things they share, things that are the same as other people. You don’t want to be disconnected from other people. To just say “I’m not like anyone else” and then stay inside a shell and not want to take anything from other people’s way of life. But you don’t want to just copy someone else even if they are really cool people. I’ve met people who were really interesting and strong and did great things, but it doesn’t help me to try to just copy them. Whatever i do might be a bit like them, but it will be mine, and also, they will take away a bit of me. Each person we meet changes us, and them – the trick is not to get lost.

Its all so bloody complex that thats why we lose ourselves so easily. Some people like to believe in some simple “wisdoms”, “truths” and then its easier – when you don’t acknowledge the fragility of things, the fluidity of the borders, the complexity, then its easy to stick to those wisdoms. If you are aware of the complexity, if you doubt and feel then you can get lost so easily.

But you’re life is richer, and when you find yourself, you find something much greater.

I hope so.

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